Two Avatars, Two Selves

For the assignment on avatars, I clicked on the links Jennifer posted and decided to try both for creating avatars. What follows is a recollection of my experience and some thoughts about the process.

The second program I used (which I am writing about first) was  DoppelMe. This program was not very detailed. There were far fewer choices that could be made than with FaceYourManga, which made it quicker and less laborious, but the final result is also far less satisfying (and the hairdo, of course, is totally Peggy from Mad Men).

It may have been better to have used this program first, because after creating something so detailed, this seemed like the Lego version of self. I try to remember that it really doesn't matter. That these avatars are simply zeros and ones arranged to offer a visual cue or - to put it in modern business-speak - brand.

I was aware, though, of trying to avoid "gimicks." When I do these things (make avatars), I seem to be far more worried about NOT giving the wrong impression than I am about giving the right impression. That is probably because a first impression can prime an online encounter for conflict or empathy.

I decided to include a dog in this avatar because I have a 10-year-old dog I love, and being a dog lover seems like a great way to signal good will. At least, that's how I interpret. Stepping into "cyberspace," however, I realize I could just as easily be signalling that I am a naive twit.

I first used the "FaceYourManga" site and created the image below:

The process was very detailed compared to other avatar creators I have come across in the past. I began by making choices from a detailed menu based on my real appearance - as close as I could get. Failing to find choices that really mimicked the way I look (as if I know what that is), I continued to try to get as close as I could while maintaining an eye for keeping it "pleasing" because, yes I admit, I care about that. I did a lot of experimenting when it came to embellishments - including an eyebrow piercing and a face tattoo (neither of which I have) - fully expecting to back most of it out, but finding I liked the look that incorporated those.

To me, it is interesting to see the finished product, switching to an analytical eye, because the process of creating it was mostly unconscious (that is, I was in "doing art" mode where the final product had to be tweaked as a "picture" rather than made to look any particular way).

Now that I study the finished result I wonder about the choices - eyeglasses, tattoo, piercing, double scarves - and why they appealed to me. I see the avatar itself as a study in vulnerability and protection. Vulnerability because I am revealing something of my real self which includes sensitivity to criticism, and protection because I am covering myself with decor that acts as a distraction. I also see the dark night sky as a symbol for walking in mystery.

There is also a duality in the image. If I hold up my hand and obscure the left side of the image from sight I get a much different impression than I do when I obscure the right side. But the basic feel I get from this avatar is (believe it or not - and it is probably just me) compassion. It's not what I had in mind when I started, but that is what it seems to exude when I look at it.

It has occurred to me as well that I could as easily use a red dot, a diagonal line or a purple star for an avatar and over time it would embody all the personality and history I give these fake persona avatars. Perhaps we are better able to either give a true glimpse of ourselves or deceive others about who we are when we present something that carries more clues.

As in life, I just want to fit in and make a good first impression. After that, and if it is a "safe" environment, as far as I can tell, I can relax and be more myself.